|This is a question which is only asked when a person is in two minds about something. If you really thought that the grass was greener you would either have already leapt over the fence and made a run for it, or you would be asking a different question, perhaps along the lines of querying how you would cope with hurting someone, dealing with guilt, or something with regards to practical barriers.
|I’m not sure if I explained myself clearly there. If you really, really thought that the grass was greener elsewhere you would be moving Heaven and Earth to get there; you would not be dithering upon the fence saying “Eanie-Meany-Miny-Moe” or wondering whether or not to toss a coin so as to come to some sort of solid decision. Alternatively you would be hanging back, staying firmly on your side of the fence recounting to yourself all of the reasons why you were staying rooted to that spot, even though you found what was on the other side of the fence to be extremely appealing.
When you find yourself in a situation where you are in two minds, the important thing is to appreciate that you have to ask yourself a lot of questions. Soul searching is needed. In reality the problem is that you actually do not know what you want or why you want it. One moment the secure base of familiarity appeals, but the next moment the excitement of the unknown suddenly takes over pole position in your thoughts.
Once you realize that the issue is more to do with not knowing what you want, then you can start asking yourself why you don’t know? What are your goals in life? What do you want to feel and achieve in your job? What is most important to you in a relationship? What qualities do you really want to see in another person? Perhaps it would help to write a list of what you like, and what you think you might like, and also what you do not like; from there you could formulate a grading system and come to understand what is most important to you and what is least important.
The truth is that you need to get to know yourself. Who are you, really? What do you want, really? What are your goals, really? Often you will find that your logical thoughts and your emotions do not accord. This of course is another way in which you can be in two minds. Somehow it is up to you to find a way in which to reconcile your logical thoughts with your emotions. You will only be happy when your thoughts are also heartfelt. Being half-hearted will not get you very far.
If you are in two minds about something, or if you are feeling half-hearted, the questions you need to ask of yourself will usually begin with a why. “Why” helps you to get to the heart of the matter. Why do you think this? Why do you enjoy that? But do not be tempted to stop half way – keep asking “why” until there are no more stones left unturned. And beware of the easy option; the “I don’t know” answer. This is not an answer; it’s a cop-out and it is merely an excuse which gets in the way of you moving on, growing as a person and being happy in your life.
If you are ready to grow as a person and to take control of your life, instead of dithering on that fence, then it is time to start asking yourself “why”. Sometimes, however, a person is not ready to do this, in which case the thing to do is to relax and enjoy the moment for what it is.
By Roseanna Leaton